Ranting, Venting, Blowing off Steam

I just can’t anymore. I see it everywhere and it’s been enough. It’s not even one thing, it’s a whole litany.  So I’m going to list some of the things that are pissing me off.

Women’s dress

For fuck’s sake. No matter what a woman or girl is wearing she is not a stumbling block to men. I don’t care if she’s wearing tiny patches of cloth that barely cover her nips and her hoo-hah, she’s not in charge of making sure the men around her live a godly life. Oh yes, I know what will happen now that I’ve opened with this can of worms. People will tell me that a woman should dress modestly and all that jazz. Explain me this then: Why can a man walk around without a shirt and a woman can’t? It’s because of the sexualization of my gender.

From an extremely young age, so young we don’t even understand, we are taught that our bodies must be hidden and kept secret and we must stay demure while our brothers are running around like maniacs with frogs hanging out of half ripped undies and nobody says boo. This is extremely fucked up. We’re told it’s to protect us as well as prevent us from becoming a god-awful temptation to the opposite gender.

Yep, those jeans and that crew neck t-shirt I was wearing completely protected me from being molested by a supposedly Christian man when I was younger. Sweet Mother of God, did I show some ankle that tempted him? Did I accidentally wear a shirt that was too tight for my 16 year old D cups (they appeared overnight and I had no idea what to do with them) and that caused a myriad of lustful thoughts that lead to other events?

Clothes do not make or break a persons religiosity. They do not guarantee glory or damnation.

 

Boys Will Be Boys

Ah yes, the excuse a lot of people like to use when a guy treats women like dirt. Most likely for something she had nothing to do with (see above). They blame testosterone and innate instinct and whatever else sounds like it gives men permission to do whatever the hell they want.

I do not accept this. It offends me as a mother of a male child that my kid would be lumped into a category which praises caveman-like behavior. He is not a monster. He never will be. I have raised him better than that. I want to personally strangle anyone who uses this as an excuse for their child’s, friend’s, relative’s or acquaintance’s behavior.

 

LGBT Things

We are all human and should treat each other a such. I will never accept the shunning of a group of people because of who they love.

I have taught my children to love and I want to be an example of that love. I have also taught them that just because they like a certain color or style of dress or hobbies it doesn’t mean they are gay or straight or normal or weird or anything else people throw at them. It means they are a person who happens to like that thing and the other people teasing or shunning them can go fuck themselves.

We don’t need labels (unless of course you like that thing then label away at yourself). We are people. That’s it. I happen to be a person who likes to wear ties. I also happen to like to wear high heels on occasion when the mood hits me and I feel like I have achieved enough balance points for the day not to fall on my face. I also happen to like to listen to some good hard rock or a quirky ukulele song when I’ve had a shit day and I can cry on my way home from work without anyone seeing. None of these things make me anything other than me. I am no less me for liking and loving one thing or the other. Same goes for everyone else.

*also it doesn’t mean that God does not love you

Love

I’m hoping to end on a high note and since this has been a rather ranty piece I feel like I should do that but first:

You do not need a significant other to make your life worthwhile. Whether you have been in love and lost it or it was taken or it blew up in your face or if you have never been in love and you wish you were or if you are okay with being single or you wish you were single you do not need another person to make your life great.

Sure, it’s nice. I’ve been there, but it also makes life hard and complicated. Do not seek to fill a void in your life with another person because if you do believe me that chasm will just keep widening. You cannot fix your life with a bridge of people you think will be the one. Love doesn’t work like that.

I know everybody and their brother says to stay single and figure out your life before you let someone else in. It’s true. If your life is shit the only thing you will accomplish by bringing in another person is adding their shit to your shit and soon you’re tumbling down like a great big disgusting snowball. This does not end well for any party involved. No one will save you. They’re too busy looking to find the person who will save them. Save Yourself.

Okay, so nice things about love…

Love everyone. Try to. It’s tough. But people will appreciate it.

I’ve had a rough time showing this one lately. I’m determined to try harder.

There’s a lot of political bullshit going around and a lot of anti- this, that, and the other thing and a lot of out and out meanness. It’s impossible to get everyone to love everyone. But we have to try.

All the problems in our world can be boiled down to a lack of love (and I mean true love for each other recognizing that we are all human beings and deserve to be treated as such) for each other.

A person has no love for another person – rape

A person has no love for another person – hunger

A person has no love for another person – cast out

A person has no love for another person – murder

A person has no love for another person – suicide

A person has no love for another person – discrimination

I am teaching my children the best I can to make this world a better place and more loving and more accepting. I’m still learning myself about a lot of things too and working on my own bullshit. Yes it’s a bunch of tree-hugging hippie crap. I’m proud of it.

 

Okay. I wrote this thing. Time to grab a beer or three and agonize about actually posting it for a few hours.

 

 

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I can feel it creeping in.  That darkness that consumes.  The darkness that forces me to cut off most to all contact with the outside world. 
Anytime I’m around people there’s a buzzing under the surface. A buzzing that’s constantly repeating,  over and over. I can’t seem to tamp it down. It tells me to run away. To hide.  To destroy myself. 
So I turn my attention to other distractions.  Things which will consume me so utterly that my mind will no longer dwell on the horrid thoughts. But still the darkness threatens.
I get distracted in my distractions.
I have dreams.
Nothing makes sense.
But like the rest of my existence I know this too shall pass. 
I will eventually come out of my dark turn.  I will eventually be back to my usual happy self.  The self which does not disturb those who see me.  The self who does not cause others to become so uncomfortable that they do not know what to say and instead ignore. 
I am not begging for attention.  I’d rather not have any.  I’m only writing this to work through my own demons.
For now I will be giving in to the mania which tugs at the edge of my consciousness. I can be this person for a short while.  I can do this with little to no consequences. 
Once the first of the week comes I will once again be fodder for the corporate machine and the abhorrent need for funds which perpetuate my existence.
Once the first of the week comes I must be the persona which everyone expects me to be. 
It is waiting.
But for now the darkness is consuming.