I can feel it creeping in.  That darkness that consumes.  The darkness that forces me to cut off most to all contact with the outside world. 
Anytime I’m around people there’s a buzzing under the surface. A buzzing that’s constantly repeating,  over and over. I can’t seem to tamp it down. It tells me to run away. To hide.  To destroy myself. 
So I turn my attention to other distractions.  Things which will consume me so utterly that my mind will no longer dwell on the horrid thoughts. But still the darkness threatens.
I get distracted in my distractions.
I have dreams.
Nothing makes sense.
But like the rest of my existence I know this too shall pass. 
I will eventually come out of my dark turn.  I will eventually be back to my usual happy self.  The self which does not disturb those who see me.  The self who does not cause others to become so uncomfortable that they do not know what to say and instead ignore. 
I am not begging for attention.  I’d rather not have any.  I’m only writing this to work through my own demons.
For now I will be giving in to the mania which tugs at the edge of my consciousness. I can be this person for a short while.  I can do this with little to no consequences. 
Once the first of the week comes I will once again be fodder for the corporate machine and the abhorrent need for funds which perpetuate my existence.
Once the first of the week comes I must be the persona which everyone expects me to be. 
It is waiting.
But for now the darkness is consuming. 

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