I’ve been uber hermity lately. Like, not answering my phone hermity, not going to church hermity, and curling up with books & knitting & not answering the door hermity.  I have had a rough time making plans of any sort and being around people makes me want to retreat to a less populated area. Like only me populated. Thing is, I also crave interaction. The fact that this makes no sense whatsoever doesn’t matter.

I tell myself it’s fine to practice self care but at some point I have to drag myself out of the funk and maybe interact with the world. I touch a tentative toe into the pool of the outside world. I spend an hour, maybe two, in the swirling eddies of people. I smile, I laugh. Then I succumb to the pull of my home. It’s not that I particularly like my home. It’s definitely nothing special: a broken mobile in a small town away from most people I really know that needs more and more fixing each year. I’d rather move and forget the place but it is still the place I can go where no one comes to bother and I can be guaranteed my alone time.

The world is a scary place right now. I have fears for my kiddos and for myself and for my friends. I can do nothing about most of it. But I’m slowly coming out of it.

I find that art helps. Making it. Seeing it. Just seeing that someone saw something more beautiful in this world because right now it’s dark and gloomy.

And that’s mostly the point isn’t it? Whether you think it’s pretty or thought provoking or gauche or horrifying it was thought as important enough to immortalize, to be kept, to be shown, and that’s beautiful.

I am not a great artist. I never hope to be. Any art I happen to create is mostly for my own use and to surround myself with positive thoughts.  I had more pictures in my cubicle in the first week of work than most of my coworkers have combined. I think they find it odd or at least curious. It doesn’t matter. I have to have art around me. It gives me a sense of meliorism and hope. It makes it worth leaving the house and braving those places with people and other scary things.

This world is scary. Art makes it better.

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